Advent and Ancestors

Luke 1:39-45

In those days, Mary set out with haste and went to a Judean town in the hill-country where she entered the home of Zechariah and greeted Elizabeth. When Elizabeth heard the sound of her greeting, the child leaped in her womb. Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit and exclaimed with a loud cry, “Blessed are you among women and blessed is the fruit of your womb! And why has this happened to me, that the mother of my Lord has come to me? For when I heard the sound of your greeting, the child in my womb leaped for joy! And blessed is she who believed there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her by the Lord.”

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When David Brooks talks about what it means to see others deeply and to let ourselves be more deeply seen, he leans pretty heavily into acknowledging the significance of a person’s family tree, history, and culture, in order to do that. And he asks this really great question: How Do Your Ancestors Show Up in Your Life?

He quotes the novelist and poet, Robert Penn Warren, who said, “You live through time, that little piece of time that is yours, but that piece of time is not only your own life, it is the summing-up of all the other lives that are simultaneous with yours. …What you are is an expression of history.”

And we forget this, don’t we? …about ourselves, about each other, and about the strangers we meet and see in the world? When someone upsets or angers us on any given day – by cutting us off in traffic, or acting selfish or unkind at the grocery store, by talking behind our back in the church parking lot, or by not pulling their weight on that group assignment at school – it’s worth wondering what else might be going on in their life at the moment, don’t you think?

We’ve all seen that meme or heard the notion that “Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about, so be kind. Always.” Well, I think David Brooks takes this to another, more meaningful level, when it comes to really seeing and knowing a person.

We don’t just land here, showing up out of nowhere – so unique, individual, special, and in control of our own respective destinies. Like it or not, we are beholden to or influenced – in some way – by those who came before us; by all of the culture, history, and baggage – good, bad, and ugly – that come along with us. All of the good stuff we’d like to claim about ourselves and be most proud of – isn’t all or only of our own creation. And the hard stuff we work so hard or wish we could change about ourselves – isn’t … always … either.

And the same is true about our neighbor.

Which is to say – what we’ve been trying to show throughout these Advent days – is that seeing others deeply and being deeply seen takes time, work, effort, energy, and faith. And as Christmas draws ever nearer, my hope is that we see this work as ours, because it is and was God’s, in the coming of Jesus. God showed up to see us more fully, completely, deeply … And so that we might take the time and do the work to see Jesus – and each other, through him – more fully, completely, and deeply, too.

What child is this? What child is this? What child is this, and this, and this, and this?

And, perhaps the most human thing about Jesus, is that he had a family tree, ancestors, and a rich human history of his own. And the Gospel writers – heck the whole of the Scriptural narrative – reveals this for us.

I was tempted, but decided to spare you the reading of Jesus’ genealogy from the first chapter of Matthew’s gospel to prove this point. But you know – or I suspect you’ve heard about – all of those old-school “begats” – Abraham begat Isaac, and Isaac begat Jacob, and Jacob begat Judah and so on down the line – 77 times, until you get to Jesus. The point of that litany of names, speaks to the power of ancestry, the impact of a person’s family tree, and the meaning behind all that comes before us and that is poured into our identity and personhood.

Well, for generations, theologians and professors, pastors and preachers have used Matthew’s genealogy of Jesus for nothing more and nothing less than proving Jesus to be the fulfillment of God’s plan for salvation; to establish his credibility as the Messiah; to prove his promised, prophetic pedigree, if you will, as the offspring of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, King David, and so on.

And that’s not nothing. It may very well have been Matthew’s point. And it serves its purpose. But there’s more to it than that. It’s subtle, surprising, beautiful and impossible to miss once you see it – and I think it comes to a head in this morning’s meeting between Mary and Elizabeth, in Luke’s Gospel.

See, buried in Matthew’s account of Jesus’ genealogy … hidden almost among the names of all those men – the well-known patriarchs, the faithful fathers, and the powerful kings – are also listed the lesser-known names of five women: Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, Bathsheba, and Mary, the mother of Jesus, herself.

And because we know that women – generally – weren’t held in high regard in first-century Palestinian culture, if they were regarded at all, it is profoundly noteworthy to understand, just briefly, who these particular women were; to know their own history as part of this mix, and to acknowledge why their participation in the lineage of Jesus matters.

First, there’s Tamar, who saved her own life and livelihood by surreptitiously sleeping with her Father-in-Law, Judah, becoming pregnant, and thus preserving the family line that led to Jesus.

Rahab was likely an owner/operator of the best little brothel in Jericho, who used her wisdom, hospitality, faith, and bravery to save some Israelite spies once, insuring a victory for God’s chosen ones in battle, and securing for herself a worthy branch on the family tree of Jesus.

Ruth was a Moabite – an outsider of the highest order as far as God’s people were concerned at the time – but, by way of her steadfast faithfulness to her mother-in-law and some sexual self-preservation of her own, she ingratiated and grafted herself into Jesus’ genealogy, too.

Bathsheba, the wife of Uriah, was the – likely unwilling – sexual conquest of King David. Though it’s rarely described as such, she survived a sexual assault by the most powerful man in the land people, who then had her husband killed to cover up the indiscretion, so that she could be kept, by the king, as his wife.

And then there’s Mary, who shows up to Elizabeth this morning with some insane news about a baby on the way.

And Mary and Elizabeth, good, faithful, Hebrew women that they were – would have known every bit of this history, tradition, and genealogy. Which is why it’s not hard to see or imagine how a.) Elizabeth could believe such a thing, and b.) why Mary breaks into song in the verses following what we just heard – that little ditty we call “The Magnificat.” And it’s a song that sounds strikingly similar to a song Hannah, a different ancestral sister from way back in the day – was known to have sung, as well.

And this song is one about a God who scatters the proud, remember; who brings down the powerful from their thrones, who lifts up the lowly, who fills the hungry with good things, who sends the rich away empty. This song, from a Hebrew woman, in the presence of another Hebrew woman, was an anthem of joy, rebellion, prophecy, and hope … that the world was about to turn, with the coming of this Jesus.

And do you think that was the last time Mary ever sang those words, or expressed those desires, or proclaimed that kind of hope? I find that hard to believe. I like to think she sang that song as a lullaby to a nursing baby Jesus. I bet she taught him well about the source of those sentiments from her sisters in the faith. I imagine Mary whispered that good news to her little boy every chance she got … over breakfast, on their way home from synagogue, when he walked out the door to go play with the neighbors, and certainly on his birthday, don’t you think?!

And I think that’s why Jesus knew how to see people more deeply. It’s why I think Jesus knew how to look beneath the surface of another’s suffering; to forgive the choices they made, when necessary; to love an enemy; to turn the other cheek; to treat others the way he would want to be treated; to love the God of his creation; and to love his neighbor, as himself, in every way.

Jesus knew about the battles people were fighting, he had compassion for them because of it, and he came to fight those battles with love, mercy, and grace. When we learn to see him more clearly and understand the source of his compassion and love for the least and most lowly among us … we might get better at seeing them, and each other more clearly, too.

And when we ask and wonder about “What Child this Is?” for whom we’re waiting, we might find him, more often, already in our midst – and live differently because of it.

Amen

Blue Christmas: The Wound, The Route, The Gift

John 20:24-28

But Thomas (who was called the Twin), one of the twelve, was not with them when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord.” But he said to them, “Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hands in his side, I will not believe.”

A week later, the disciples were again in the house, and this time Thomas was with them. Jesus came, again, and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.” And he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand put it in my side. Do not doubt, but believe.” Thomas said to him, “My Lord, and my God.”

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David Brooks, in his book, How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen, the inspiration behind our Advent journey this season, tells some beautiful and hard stories about grief and despair and suffering. He gives some sad statistics about how and why we are such a disconnected people these days – and about what it means to experience hardships ourselves, to learn to see them in others, and to walk with others – and each other – through the struggles of this life.

If you’ve picked up the book, but haven’t made your way into it, yet – and you’re here tonight – maybe Part 2, Chapter 8, page 97, is a place you could begin reading. (If you don’t have this book – or don’t know or care about any of that – fear not; none of it is necessary. I plan to fill in all the gaps you might be missing.)

But in discussing what it means to see one another in our struggles, David Brooks tells part of Frederick Buechner’s story. Buechner was a Presbyterian minister, theologian and very prolific author – a few of who’s books were required reading in my Pastoral Care and Counseling courses back in seminary. When Buechner was just ten years old – and his younger brother, only 8 – their dad peaked in them early one morning in their bedroom before they were set to go on a family outing about which the brothers were quite excited.

It was too early that morning to get up so the boys stayed in bed, in their room, anticipating the fun day they had planned. As Brooks writes it, “A little while later, they heard a scream and the sounds of doors opening and closing. They looked out their window and saw their father lying in the gravel driveway, with their mother and grandmother, barefoot and still in their nightgowns, leaning over him. Each woman had one of his legs in her hands. They were lifting his legs up and down as if they were operating two handles of a pump. Nearby, the garage door was open and blue smoke was billowing out.

“… their father had gassed himself to death. It took them a few days to find the suicide note, which their dad had scratched in pencil on the last page of Gone with the Wind. It was addressed to their mom, [and said]: ‘I adore you and love you, and am no good … Give Freddy my watch. Give Jamie my pearl pin. I give you all my love.’”

Within just a couple of months, Buechner’s mother moved them to Bermuda, where they started a new life, and little Freddy effectively avoided and denied whatever grief he would have/could have/should have probably wrestled with until he couldn’t avoid it any longer – when he became a young adult. His work as a teacher and author helped with that, as did more life experiences and research into his dad’s past and family history. Sadly, and surprisingly, it wasn’t until he reached middle age that Frederick Buechner was able to cry real tears – to actually grieve – the loss of the father he loved very much.

I picked this story to tell, because I agree with David Brooks: that the trajectory and experience of Frederick Buechner’s grief is a familiar one for many people.

See if this scenario sounds familiar:

Some sadness, struggle, or even tragedy strikes. There is a period of shock and grief that feels too great to face or engage, so that grief – and all the emotions that come along with it – are packed away, avoided, denied, whatever. We suck it up and move on, because we think that will be easier. We brave the grief alone, or quietly, because that looks like “strength” to us – and that supposed “strength” is often affirmed as such by the world around us. At the very least, maybe we minimize whatever grief or struggle finds us because we are needed by others – children, parents, spouses – or because we don’t want to appear weak, or to be a burden or a buzz-kill, or something of the like.

(Again, not that anyone here would ever … but does any of this sound familiar?)

Whatever the case, this can go on for quite some time … until it can’t anymore. In Frederick Buechner’s case, it took decades before it caught up with him and before he was finally able to find meaning and new life through the grief he learned to experience and engage over having lost his father so young and so tragically.

Anderson Cooper tells a similar story. (I know I am a broken record about Anderson Cooper and his podcast “All There Is,” and I’m sorry – not sorry – that I bring it up every chance I get. If nothing else I have to say tonight resonates or sounds encouraging or helpful to you, make listening to that podcast part of your holy homework soon and very soon. I propose – I almost promise – it will either help you find some words and wisdom about whatever grief you’ve already experienced, or it will prepare you for the grief that will find you – as it does us all – at some point in our lives.)

Anyway, the whole reason Anderson Cooper started this podcast a few years ago, where he interviews others all and only about their grief is because – at the age of 55 – he realized he had never been taught or encouraged to engage, let alone wrestle with or mend, the deep grief he endured by losing his father to heart-failure when he was just 10 years old (like Frederick Beuchner was); or the grief he suffered after losing his 23 year-old brother to suicide when he was just 21.

Instead of grieving well, Anderson says as a young adult, he traveled the world, risking his life to report on wars and tragedies and disasters – literally on a global scale – so that, while simultaneously running from and avoiding his own grief, he could subconsciously measure that kind of horrific sadness against his own, and maybe see how other people survived in the face of it.

Anderson Cooper embodies Frederick Buechner’s suggestion that, even though we long more than anything to be known fully, grief – even though it is utterly universal – may be one of the things that is most difficult to embrace, admit, or share about ourselves.

It’s why what we’re up to tonight is as practical as it is holy to me. It’s why I’m so grateful you’ve showed up. It’s why I wish this place was as full tonight as it will be on Christmas Eve.

See, on a recent episode of that podcast, Anderson Cooper interviewed the actor Andrew Garfield, who talked about the loss of his mother. And Andrew Garfield said something so profound it’s been making its way around the internet, lately. Maybe you’ve seen or heard it.

“The wound is the only route to the gift.”

I wonder if, when Jesus showed up for the disciples after his death – and then again to Thomas, who refused to believe it …

I wonder if he was doing even more than proving his identity … if he was doing more, even, than just showing evidence of his resurrection …

I wonder if, when Jesus showed off the wounds in his hands and on his sides… If, when he invited Thomas to put his fingers “here” and to see his hands, to reach out his own hands and to touch the wounded sides of Jesus…

I wonder if Jesus was offering Thomas healing for the deep grief he surely felt, and if he was showing them all – and us, too – that “the wound is the only route to the gift” that even our grief can be for us, as people of faith.

Not that we would ever choose the grief that comes our way …

Not that we deserve the deep sadness and struggle that finds us, too often, on this side of heaven …

But that, because God shows up in Jesus to walk the way of suffering before and beside us as we go, we can remind ourselves and each other that God does God’s best work in the dark, sad, scary places of our lives.

See, I believe God showed up, in Jesus, to remind us that the only way through the grief that finds us in this life – and toward the healing and hope we desire and deserve – is to trust that it won’t last forever; that we don’t need to fear or deny or avoid or pretend that it shouldn’t exist; that we can come to and through the wounds of our sadness and struggle… We can touch and tend to what hurts us most… (“The wound is the only route to the gift.”)

And we can share all of that with one another, without fear, shame, or hesitation. And we can let the light of God’s grace – the light that shines in the darkness – shine in our direction, too. And we can let it heal what we cannot, on our own … and we can let it bless our lives with the love that is born for us all, even and especially in our darkest days … with thanks for this Jesus – who was, who is, and who is to come.

Amen. Merry Christmas.