empathy

Prodigal Empathy

Luke 15:1-3, 11b-32

Now all the tax collectors and sinners were coming near to listen to him. And the Pharisees and the scribes were grumbling and saying, “This fellow welcomes sinners and eats with them.” So he told them this parable:

“There was a man who had two sons. The younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the share of the property that will belong to me.’ So [the father] divided his property between them. A few days later the younger son gathered all he had and traveled to a distant country, and there he squandered his property in dissolute living. When he had spent everything, a severe famine took place throughout that country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed the pigs. He would gladly have filled himself with the pods that the pigs were eating; and no one gave him anything. But when he came to himself he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired hands have bread enough to spare, but here I am dying of hunger! I will get up and go to my father, and I will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; I am no longer worthy to be called your son; treat me like one of your hired hands.” ’ So he set off and went to his father. But while he was still far off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion; he ran and put his arms around him and kissed him. Then the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ But the father said to his slaves, ‘Quickly, bring out a robe—the best one—and put it on him; put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. And get the fatted calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate; for this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found!’ And they began to celebrate.

“Now [the father’s] elder son was in the field; and when he came and approached the house, he heard music and dancing. He called one of the slaves and asked what was going on. He replied, ‘Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fatted calf, because he has got him back safe and sound.’ Then [the elder son] became angry and refused to go in. His father came out and began to plead with him. But he answered his father, ‘Listen! For all these years I have been working like a slave for you, and I have never disobeyed your command; yet you have never given me even a young goat so that I might celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours came back, who has devoured your property with prostitutes, you killed the fatted calf for him!’ Then the father said to him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. But we had to celebrate and rejoice, because this brother of yours was dead and has come to life; he was lost and has been found.’ ”


Two Cross of Gracers, in two weeks’ time, sent me two different social media posts about something that was entirely new to me – but that is apparently picking up steam and support in certain circles of Christianity. And since then – over just the last couple of weeks – various expressions of this same idea, this belief, this theological notion keep showing up in the world around me. Have you heard people talking lately about the proposition that “empathy is a sin?”

Yeah. Empathy has been deemed a “sin” in some fundamentalist, “conservative Christian” circles of the faith. Empathy … which, according to most dictionaries means something like “the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person.” Empathy … the willingness to learn about and have compassion for the experiences of somebody else. Empathy … which sounds something like – oh, I don’t know – loving your neighbor as yourself, perhaps?

Again, in certain Christian circles, this thing called empathy is being warned about as an expression of sin.

There are books. One is called The Sin of Empathy: Compassion and its Counterfeits and another is called Toxic Empathy: How Progressives Exploit Christian Compassion. One podcaster proposed that the very word “empathy” should be struck from the Christian vocabulary, because it’s just too dangerous. And, be careful, ladies. The same guy who suggested that said that “women are especially vulnerable to this” whole empathy thing.

Another theological pundit posted this recently, which seems to come from the same cesspool of corrupt theology:

“Jesus is not a bleeding heart liberal. He did not ultimately save you out of pity for you. He saved you for his own glory. And he saved you from the infinite wrath He had against you for insulting His glory. This is the masculine theology of the Bible. Learn to love it.”

Now, the Seven Deadly Sins aren’t any more “scriptural” in that they aren’t laid out explicitly as such, like the Ten Commandments, for example. But it’s worth considering why, in the name of Jesus, anyone would add “Empathy” to a list that includes things like Pride, Gluttony, Sloth, Wrath, Greed, Lust, and Envy. Does it seem like Empathy has anything in common with the evil and brokenness on that list?!

From what I can tell, the logic/the rationale/ the theology behind all of this is a sort of self-serving, pop-psychology-inspired effort at “tough love.” It implies that being empathetic – having the capacity to share another person’s feelings, experiences, or emotions – or taking the time and doing the work of trying to accomplish that to the degree that it inspires your ability to care about and love them … that all of that is an expression of brokenness in that it looks like weakness on your part and results in harm toward others because it may allow them to keep living in their own sinfulness.

And this seems to be the case because, from what else I can tell, this way of thinking is being used very deliberately to dissuade Christian people from caring about or tending to the hurt and harm of those with whom they disagree; those they want to dislike; those that some factions of the faith are working really hard to disenfranchise. And it seems to me that, by calling Empathy a sin, they can do all of that dirty work in the name of Jesus.

It’s as if they’re saying, “Close your eyes and stop your ears to the cries of the LGBTQ+ community because your empathy, your willingness to see them as people – as Children of God, created in God’s image, just like you – only affirms, encourages, and perpetuates their capacity to sin.”

It’s as if they’re saying, “Don’t listen to the very real struggle, concerns, or need of that woman or girl who is considering an abortion, because you risk understanding her very real struggle, concern, or need, thereby facilitating her capacity to make a decision you should already disagree with.”

It’s like they’re saying, “Don’t listen to the stories and experiences of those sex workers. It might soften your heart and encourage their poor choices.”

It’s like they’re saying, “Don’t get to know the story behind those migrants who have crossed the border to save the lives of their children, as you might very well choose to do, if you were in their shoes; just keep pretending they’re all gang members and drug dealers and psychopaths so that you can more easily despise, deport, and fear them with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.”

It’s like they’re saying, “Don’t dig too deeply into the stories of those people who are homeless or you might learn about the mental illness, addiction, loss of healthcare, neglect, abuse, bad luck and broken social networks that landed them on the streets and keeps them there.”

This is a ruse. It’s a lie. It’s a trick. It is fake news that empathy is a sin.

It’s also a grand expression of cognitive dissonance for anyone who’s ever heard today’s parable. It’s like their saying, don’t pay any mind to what is probably the most popular, well-known story in all of Scripture that comes straight from the mouth of Jesus himself – this little ditty about the Prodigal Son – and, more importantly, the parables’ prodigal dad…

…this story where Dad had every right to offer some tough love to the punk ass kid who ran off with his inheritance, squandered it recklessly, and had the nerve to come back for more.

…this story where a Dad – had he been worried about committing the so-called “sin of empathy” – would have sent his long-lost-son back to the wilderness of those pig pens to slop it up with the hogs until he learned his lesson, got his act together, groveled, apologized, and learned to live right.

None of that is the story Jesus tells today, because it’s not God’s story. That is not God’s way.

Jesus tells the story where Dad – God, the Father – is overcome by empathy and compassion, lifts up his robes, runs to his child, embraces him because of his lostness – not in spite of it. Where he slaughters the fatted calf, throws a party, and then calls for some empathy from the other son who’s too busy being mad and selfish and self-righteous to understand what it means to be really, truly lost in this world. That other son – the elder brother – the one who gets corrected, if not reprimanded – by the father, was like one of these 21st Century Theo-Bros who would have called his father’s empathy a sad, sorry, sinful expression of something other than the faithfulness, mercy, and LOVE that it was.

People, do not be fooled, deceived, or tricked into seeing empathy as a sin, or as a weakness, or as something God doesn’t desire from each and every one of us. And please pay attention to and pray for the pastors, politicians, and people who proclaim otherwise.

And if you need a touch point – a reminder – some encouragement about the Truth of the worldview Jesus’ parable proclaims, please continue making your way to Calvary in the days to come.

God, in Jesus, climbing onto the cross that we find there is the greatest sign, symbol, and source of empathy the world has ever known. It is The Way. It is God, in the person of Jesus, personifying the power and blessing of empathy by living, moving, breathing, and dying his way into the shoes of the world’s people. It wasn’t soft. It wasn’t easy. And it wasn’t a sin, for God’s sake.

It was faithfulness. It was virtue. It was grace. It was tough love turned inward so that the fullness of that cosmic mercy could be poured outward for the sake of all people … all people … all people. And, it was and remains to be THE calling and cause and claim upon any of us who want to faithfully follow Jesus, in this life, for the sake of the world.

Amen

God Isn't Fair

I plan to do something different with today’s gospel lesson, so allow me to preface with a few words before we explore that story.  

A few weeks ago I turned in my final project for the two-year continuing education program that recently wrapped up. It was an ebook of a dozen of my sermons from the last two years that address the topic of discipleship. I sent the document to several friends and colleagues to review it, and one comment I received back from a friend rattled me. This comment was regarding the sermon I preached in May in which I introduced you to our puppy, Obi. That sermon was about how God is at work ensuring that the world is a perfectly safe place for us to be, much like pet owners should ensure their pets are living in a safe environment. 

In that sermon I made a passing mention of God being fair. My friend highlighted this and wrote “God never claims to be fair; God isn’t fair.” I was taken aback by that comment. It seemed harsh and out of left field. Of course God is fair. Isn’t that one of the things that makes God worthy of worship and worth following? God is good. God is love. God is grace. God is fair. Her comment bothered me, but as I thought more about it I realized she’s absolutely right. God never claims to be fair; God isn’t fair.

Fairness is one of those words that sounds important but actually lacks substance. It’s flimsy. This word is usually employed to mean something is equal; as in, someone does something and receives something, while someone else does the same thing and receives the same thing; that’s fair. 

If you have spent any time around kids you know that fairness is a big deal. My boys keep close tabs on each other when it comes to things like video game time and desserts consumed. If one receives something that the other doesn’t, we hear, “That’s not fair!” 

Fairness is hard-wired not just in humans but in animals as well. If you really dig back into your memory banks you might recall that I preached on this parable three years ago and showed a clip of two capuchin monkeys. The monkeys received bits of cucumber as a reward for completing the same task. However, one monkey started receiving bits of grape as a reward for the task while the other continued to be given cucumber. Once the cucumber monkey noticed the discrepancy, it started throwing the cucumber bits back at the scientist in protest. That’s not fair!

But, as we’ve heard throughout our lives, life isn’t fair. We don’t all receive the same things. Health, opportunities for education or employment, income, the number of days to live, the amount of love shown to you, the way you experience the world, the way people treat you...these vary widely from one person to another. 

God never claims to be fair; God isn’t fair. But that’s not my message to you this morning. I want us to think about how we are to live in this world that is unfair, using our unfair God as an example. 

It’s now time for today’s gospel -- a parable Jesus employs to teach his followers about the nature of God and the Kingdom of Heaven. As I tell this story, please use your imagination to fill in the details of the story. Add colors, fabric, smells, sounds, facial features; and most importantly, notice which character you identify with. 

“For the kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire laborers for his vineyard. After agreeing with the laborers for the usual daily wage, he sent them into his vineyard. When he went out about nine o’clock, he saw others standing idle in the marketplace; and he said to them, “You also go into the vineyard, and I will pay you whatever is right.” So they went. 

“When he went out again about noon and about three o’clock, he did the same. And about five o’clock he went out and found others standing around; and he said to them, “Why are you standing here idle all day?” They said to him, “Because no one has hired us.” He said to them, “You also go into the vineyard.” 

“When evening came, the owner of the vineyard said to his manager, “Call the laborers and give them their pay, beginning with the last and then going to the first.” When those hired about five o’clock came, each of them received the usual daily wage. Now when the first came, they thought they would receive more; but each of them also received the usual daily wage. And when they received it, they grumbled against the landowner, saying, “These last worked only one hour, and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the day and the scorching heat.” But he replied to one of them, “Friend, I am doing you no wrong; did you not agree with me for the usual daily wage? Take what belongs to you and go; I choose to give to this last the same as I give to you. Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me? Or are you envious because I am generous?’ So the last will be first, and the first will be last.” (Matthew 20:1-16) 

What character are you in that story? 

Are you the laborer who worked all day, received the daily wage, and looked with disdain on those who worked for an hour and received the same wage?

Are you the laborer who waited all day for someone to come around and hire you, and were grateful to see the vineyard owner, who had passed you by several times already, return to not only give you a task but pay you what you needed so that you could provide for your family for one more day?

Are you the vineyard owner who is tasked with hiring and managing workers, giving a day’s wage to everyone who picked the grapes? Someone whose generosity is offensive to people who are concerned about what is fair or not?

What is it about that character that you identify with? Are you thinking of a relationship dynamic within your family? Within your workplace? Within your nation?

We’ll explore this story one more time and this time I want you to put yourself in the shoes of a different character. Again, use the power of your imagination to paint the rest of the picture and bring the story to life. 

(read story again)

This is not a story of fairness; it is a story of grace. Fairness and grace have absolutely nothing to do with each other. 

God does not call us to spend time and effort worrying less about the unfairness of a God that blesses the people we think don’t deserve to be blessed. Instead of being scorekeepers, God calls us to be grace-givers.

Brennan Manning writes, 

“Jesus reveals a God 
who does not demand but who gives; 
who does not oppress but who raises up; 
who does not wound but heals; 
who does not condemn but forgives.” 

May we all take the time in our lives to really meditate on God’s offensive and wonderful generosity. And may that offensive and wonderful generosity fundamentally change our every thought and action so that all may have enough.

Amen.