Mark 10:2-16

Some Pharisees came, and to test him they asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?" He answered them, "What did Moses command you?" They said, "Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of dismissal and to divorce her." But Jesus said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart he wrote this commandment for you. But from the beginning of creation, "God made them male and female.' "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate."

Then in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter. He said to them, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery."

People were bringing little children to him in order that he might touch them; and the disciples spoke sternly to them. But when Jesus saw this, he was indignant and said to them, "Let the little children come to me; do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs. Truly I tell you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will never enter it." And he took them up in his arms, laid his hands on them, and blessed them.

The reality of divorce recently touched my life. I didn’t know how to respond because it’s not something I’ve ever had much exposure to.

One set of my grandparents divorced before I was born. My grandfather remarried and moved to Arizona; my grandmother remained single and stayed across town from my family in Northwest Ohio. As a little guy growing up in that reality, and not knowing any different, their divorce wasn’t really a big deal. In fact, I thought I was pretty special given that I was the only one of my friends who could say I had five grandparents!

At some point in elementary school I learned that the parents of one of my best friends were going through a divorce. The experience seemed to change him and we drifted apart. Looking back, I’m sure the growing distance between us was due largely to my inability to understand the turmoil and uncertainty that characterized his life in that time.

All the way through college, early adulthood, and my first few years pastoring in the church, divorce was something that I rarely dealt with; and so I felt completely ill-prepared when, back in April, I learned that my college roommate’s wife abruptly left him. Brian and I hadn’t kept in close contact since graduation, but my wife and I had been to his wedding a few years earlier and we had just spent a wonderful couple of days together the previous summer.

I found out about the divorce via an email from a mutual friend. He explained Brian had told him of the situation–that she blindsided him with the announcement that she didn’t want to be married to him any longer. She told him they would be going separate directions once they closed on the sale of their home (which had already been on the market, as they were planning to move across states). The mutual friend’s email concluded with a suggestion that I get in touch with Brian to show my support.

The idea of reaching out to Brian sounded terrifying to me…crappy as that is to admit.

I found it terrifying because I had no idea what to say. Honestly, my first inclination was to avoid the issue; fortunately I realized that was a dumb and dangerous idea. My second idea was to pull out my pastoral care counseling book from seminary and read through the chapter on divorce. Because, you know, if you were going through something awful, you’d want your friend to first brush up on all the right things to say before he or she reached out to you…or not.

Ultimately, I decided to reach out to Brian, not with well-researched and well-thought-out words, but, rather, with words of unconditional love. I told him I didn’t know what to say, and I certainly didn’t have any advice for him. I told him, “I know you are strong, compassionate, and worthy of a healthy and happy relationship…. Whatever the outcome, be yourself - the Brian we know and love.”

I’ve been fortunate to have had two opportunities to spend time with Brian since learning this news. The most recent occasion happened to coincide with my skin cancer surgery on my nose. We spent the morning after my surgery talking around my kitchen table and he seemed to be at ease. With the bandage over my nose and my black and blue left eye swollen shut I probably looked like he felt on the inside – beat up and scarred by the removal of something that was once a part of him but was cut out before it could do any more damage.

I didn’t say very much either of the times we talked. I knew that my role was to listen and love; which made me feel even worse about my initial instincts to avoid the situation or to address it with “right” answers from a textbook.

People who have experienced the loss of a relationship need assurance that they are worthy of love. Often the best way to communicate this is by being present, quiet, and kind.

The Christian church, unfortunately, doesn’t have a great record of being present, quiet, and kind towards people who have experienced divorce. Some churches still today don’t allow people who are divorced to be members or take communion. After all, scripture such as the gospel text from today makes it clear divorce is a consequence of our sinful nature–what Jesus refers to as “hardness of heart” in today’s gospel, which is the same term used to describe the Pharaoh’s repeated refusal to free the Israelite slaves in the book of Exodus.

Marriage is meant to be an institution of mutual respect, support, and love. In the time that Jesus uttered these seemingly-harsh words against divorce, marriage was one of the only ways for women to have protection and value. Divorce was practically a death sentence to the women and children of a marriage. Hence Jesus’ interpretation of the law of Moses in front of the pharisees and the disciples. His words challenged a system in which the letter of the law failed to honor relationships and protect the vulnerable. His message was that people are not disposable; no matter how justifiable their disposal is under the law.

In the name of Jesus, the church must always remain steadfast in its insistence on showing grace. Surely God’s love rests on those suffering through a marriage that is ending. Surely God’s grace is upon those who can no longer maintain a healthy relationship for a myriad of reasons.

Today’s Christian church can uphold marriage as an ideal institution of mutual respect, support, and love without condemning those whose marriage was not filled with respect, support, or love.

The church can and should give tools for a healthy, life-giving marriage model and still be a welcoming and encouraging place for those for whom marriage was neither healthy nor life-giving.

Each of us in our own ways are broken. We all have “hard hearts” about one thing or another. We gather as often as we can as a part of the church of Christ because church is a place where our broken bits can be pieced back together with the broken bits of others. Together we reassemble around the gift of the true, life-giving, word of God in water, bread, wine, and the word-elements that equip us to overcome our fears, our lack of answers, our hard hearts, so that we can we can sit with the suffering, proclaim the truth of God’s unconditional love, and create new life-giving relationships in the name of Jesus.

Amen.

Mark 9:30-37

They went on from there and passed through Galilee. He did not want anyone to know it; for he was teaching his disciples, saying to them, "The Son of Man is to be betrayed into human hands, and they will kill him, and three days after being killed, he will rise again." But they did not understand what he was saying and were afraid to ask him.

Then they came to Capernaum; and when he was in the house he asked them, "What were you arguing about on the way?" But they were silent, for on the way they had argued with one another who was the greatest. He sat down, called the twelve, and said to them, "Whoever wants to be first must be last of all and servant of all." Then he took a little child and put it among them; and taking it in his arms, he said to them, "Whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me, and whoever welcomes me welcomes not me but the one who sent me."

You are likely familiar with a notorious stage of childhood development – a part of life that is a standard gag reel on sitcoms – where a cute child spends the entire episode asking, “Why?”

That’s the territory my wife and I have traversed with both our boys. Here’s a typical exchange..

“Please eat your broccoli.”
“Why?”
“So that you can grow big and strong.”
“Why?”
“Because broccoli has vitamins that make your bones and muscles strong.”
“Why?”
“Just eat it please.”
“Why?”

Truth be told, exchanges like these are only really annoying when it’s clear the kids have zoned out and are only saying it because they’re in auto-pilot mode.

The other times, when kids are really engaged and curious, their whys are wonderful. Their questions demonstrate a willingness and eagerness to learn new things. Kids intuitively knows that the best way to learn is by asking questions.

Learning by asking questions is a simple and fundamental concept, which unfortunately tends to fade away in most people as we grow older.

I’m not sure at what point this typically occurs, but most of us have crossed a threshold where we now think that asking questions is less a sign of being willing to learn, and more a mark of ignorance or incompetence. After all, people who ask questions are people who don’t have the answers. That’s not a trait people generally want to be known by.

And yet, the world’s top innovators, scientists, software developers, economists, journalists, teachers, engineers, and artists are all guided by the same question: “Why?”

As Albert Einstein said, “It is not that I'm so smart. But I stay with the questions much longer....The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing.”

In today’s Gospel account, Jesus is teaching his disciples. He teaches them that the Messiah they have been waiting for will be so radically different from what they expected that he will actually be killed by the very people he came to lead. It’s not new news, Jesus has already told the disciples all this before. But still, the disciples do not understand. And, as scripture points out, they were “afraid to ask him.”

It would have been perfectly acceptable for the disciples to say to Jesus, “Why?”…

Why is the Messiah going to be so different from what everyone has expected?

Why will the Messiah allow himself to be killed?

Why will he rise three days after being killed?

Why should we believe you?

But instead they remained silent and afraid…

afraid Jesus would get annoyed with their questions;

afraid asking questions would be seen as a lack of faith or trust;

afraid asking questions would make them appear weak or stupid in front of the other disciples;

or maybe even afraid that asking questions will prompt Jesus to talk even more about the suffering that he and the disciples would soon endure – a topic they probably didn’t want to think about.

They didn’t understand what Jesus was teaching them, and out of fear they did not ask questions. They missed an opportunity to engage in fruitful and meaningful conversation with Jesus; and instead they turned to arguing with one another about a topic of no real importance–the topic of who among them was the greatest.

Imagine the scene of a teacher who has lost control of the classroom. What do students do when they are not engaged, not learning, and not asking questions? Theydoodle, stare out the windows, run around the room, pull out their cell phones; and then there are those who, instead of asking and learning, fight with each other about things that are ultimately of no real significance

So, here’s my question: Has God lost control of his classroom?

Are God’s beloved people engaged, curious and eager to learn? Or are God’s beloved people distracted, aloof, afraid to ask questions, and too preoccupied arguing about things that are of no real significance?

The darkest time in my life was when I had tough, serious questions about my faith; but I was too afraid to bring my questions before my friends, family, and, especially, God.

I assumed I would be rejected for asking my questions aloud.

I assumed I was already rejected by God for having the questions to begin with.

I thought I, as a Christian, was supposed to have answers. And when those answers I learned in church suddenly seemed inadequate, I felt ashamed and did not know where to turn.

Fortunately, while working at a summer camp later that year I finally took the risk of being honest and public about my questions. My peers didn’t attempt to correct me with pat answers; nor did they didn’t shame me for doubting. A few even said they had the same questions.

The response of my friends and co-workers was one of patient listening, unconditional acceptance, empathy, and support. It was their response that helped me take that first step down the path of faith once more.

People of faith are called to be guardians of the great questions. We encourage people to ask questions about God; and we ask questions ourselves. Tugging at Jesus’ robe asking “Why?” indicates that we are engaged in the world and wrestling with difficult issues. And asking questions opens us up to new insights we would have otherwise missed.

Each one of us has questions we’ve never asked. Maybe it’s because we don’t really want to know the answer, or we are afraid what others would think of us, or we think asking questions betrays faith.

But I will remind you of something most of us probably heard from a teacher at least once in our lifetime: “The only stupid question is the one that…[is not asked].”

So, today, I want you to take the time to ask questions.

Find somewhere to write down a question about your faith, God, the church, or the Bible. Just as we give God our time, talents, and resources, we also gratefully give God our questions, challenges, and doubts. It’s a sign we’re actively engaged and that we take this complex faith seriously.

My hope for you is that you would practice asking difficult questions, not just of God, church or your pastor; but also questions about your life, your identity, your job, your priorities, your values.

Meditate on the questions. Keep these questions in the forefront of your mind during the week, and let these questions lead you in new, unexpected, and wonderful directions.

I’ll leave you with this quote from Mary Doria Russell in her work, The Sparrow:

“The Jewish sages...tell us that God dances when His children defeat Him in argument, when they stand on their feet and use their minds. So questions...are worth asking. To ask them is a very fine kind of human behavior. If we keep demanding that God yield up His answers, perhaps some day we will understand them. And then we will be something more...and we shall dance with God.”

Amen.

"Responding Without Answers" – Mark 10:2-16

"The Wonderful Whys" – Mark 9: 30-37