Pastor Cogan

Hard Goodbyes and Pentecost Promises

John 15:26-27; 164b-15

Jesus continued… ”When the Advocate comes, whom I will send to you from the Father, the Spirit of truth who comes from the Father, he will testify on my behalf. You also are to testify because you have been with me from the beginning.

But I have said these things to you so that when their hour comes you may remember that I told you about them. “I did not say these things to you from the beginning, because I was with you. But now I am going to him who sent me; yet none of you asks me, ‘Where are you going?’ But because I have said these things to you, sorrow has filled your hearts.

Nevertheless I tell you the truth: it is to your advantage that I go away, for if I do not go away, the Advocate will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you. 

And when he comes, he will prove the world wrong about sin and righteousness and judgment: about sin, because they do not believe in me; about righteousness, because I am going to the Father and you will see me no longer; about judgment, because the ruler of this world has been condemned. 

“I still have many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now. When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth; for he will not speak on his own, but will speak whatever he hears, and he will declare to you the things that are to come. 

He will glorify me, because he will take what is mine and declare it to you. All that the Father has is mine. For this reason I said that he will take what is mine and declare it to you.


For the fourth week in a row, we are still in Jesus’ farewell discourse, a long farewell to his disciples. In my mind, it's similar to our midwestern goodbye. You must know what I mean. It starts off with a loud “welp” to initiate the process, followed by saying goodbye in the living room, again at the front door, and then a final goodbye in the driveway with conversation at each point along the way. And believe me, I am not knocking the midwest goodbye! If anything I do it pretty well! And I think we do this long process because saying goodbye is hard.

Finding the right words, the right tone, it’s all hard. Shakespeare was certainly right, “Parting is such sweet sorrow.” Leaving brings pain and yet at the same time rouses a sense of hope and anticipation of coming together again. In his goodbye to the disciples, Jesus says, “I tell you the truth; it is to your advantage that I go away”. When someone is saying goodbye, I don’t think we necessarily always want the truth. The truth can be unnerving, shocking even. Like when someone’s going back for surgery you don’t say, “Well the truth is I might not ever see you again”. That’s not helpful or comforting in any way. We would much rather have a promise, “I’ll be right here when you get back”. 

Here, however, Jesus gives the disciples both. The truth is, it is better for you that I go away. And here we should pause. How can it be better that Jesus go away? For many, if not most, people in the Christian tradition, closeness to Jesus is the most important thing. We long to be close to Jesus, to be in a relationship with Jesus. 

And we wait with great anticipation for Jesus' return, for the time when he will once again be close in a physical, incarnate way as he was. Being far away, separated from Jesus then would be the worst thing for our faith. Why then, is it to the advantage of the disciples that Jesus goes away? And is that to our advantage too? How can Jesus saying goodbye be a good thing?

This is the house I grew up in. Last weekend I walked barefoot in the yard, pushed my son on the swingset I had when I was his age, and pulled out of the driveway for the last time. After 33 years, my parents sold the house and our family said goodbye to the house and land we called home for all those years. It was the place of birthday parties and barbecues, arguments and reconciliations, and too many firsts to name. On that land we planted a garden and trees and a family and were nourished by the fruits of it all. Whenever I moved away, it was the place I knew I could always return to for a meal at the table, a bed, and fireball in the freezer. It was the best home a family could have.

If my parents had stayed, they would have been bound to take care of the yard. They would have been the farthest house away in our family. They would have collected more stuff (and there was no more space in the hoarder closest). All of that, in one way or another, would have limited them on how they spent their time and what they could do. Was it hard to say goodbye? Yes. But we reminded each other of the good things this meant for not only my parents, but for our family. They are now closer to more family and are the meeting place in between all the grandkids. 

Now weekends can be less mowing, weeding, or mulching and more camping. Moving brought downsizing and getting rid of stuff that had accumulated over 3 decades. Saying goodbye will hopefully give my parents a freedom they have not known for quite some time and could not have had if they stayed. The promises of moving outweighed the good of staying. And that right there, helps me understand just a bit more of how Jesus’ leaving was not only to the advantage of the disciples, but for us too. 

It is easy for us to overlook the fact that when Jesus was on earth, he was human, fully human. He had a body just like you and I, which means he had limitations, just like you and I. We see these limitations throughout his ministry: he grows tired and takes naps; he gets hungry and thirsty; he can’t be there for everyone who needs him, like when his friend Lazuras died. Jesus was constrained by the physical and spacial limits that come with being incarnate, with having a body, and with being human. 

We know what it's like to have limitations too: limits to what our bodies can do and what our minds can understand. There are only so many relationships we can balance, stress we can handle, or fear we can face. And while it may seem like the way to overcome a limit is to work harder or to push past it, Jesus shows us that it’s quite the opposite. 

The truth in this goodbye is that Jesus must leave. But the promise in this goodbye, the promise of Pentecost, is that Jesus will give all disciples the Holy Spirit, the Advocate, the Helper. Which means Jesus is no longer limited to a body. Instead, as the Holy Spirit, Jesus would be at work in multiple people, in multiple places, all at the same time. And where one part of the Trinity is at work, there the entirety of the Trinity (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit) is at work also. In other words, as one Rob Saler puts it, “When you get the Spirit, you get all of Christ.”

Here’s one example of how that’s good news for us. Today is First Communion Sunday for 11 of our young partners in mission. They spent a Saturday morning with me learning what this meal is, and what it does. One of, if not the hardest thing to explain, is that as Lutherans we believe that Jesus is really present in the bread and wine at communion. That’s what makes this regular bread and wine special, Jesus is truly “in, with and under the bread.” 

It’s not that the bread becomes Jesus' body as in you get a piece of a finger or part of the leg when you eat the bread. That’s not how this works. Because Jesus is no longer limited to a body, to being human, Jesus, by way of the Holy Spirit, is really present at this table and every table, wherever people are gathered to eat bread and drink wine in remembrance of him, giving us love and grace and forgiveness, here and now. 

Jesus knew that the answer to his limitation meant saying goodbye to the disciples, to his friends. But, ironically, only in his leaving would he be able to come closer not only to the disciples, but to all people in every land. 

We too have limitations and must say goodbye to some things in order to be who we are called to be, and to do what we are called to do. Maybe it's time to make that move, quit that job, end that relationship, drop that grudge, let go of your pride, or money, or fear. I’m not saying it’s easy. 

Goodbyes are hard. But Jesus gives us the Holy Spirit, an Advocate, a Helper to guide us in whatever comes after the goodbye. All that you will need for this new life, for life after the goodbye, the Spirit will give: strength in our weakness, prayers when we have none, and comfort along the way. 

That’s the promise of Pentecost. 

Amen.


What Kind of Relationship

John 15:9-17

[Jesus continued…] “As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you; abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. I have said these things to you so that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be complete.

‘This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. I do not call you servants* any longer, because the servant* does not know what the master is doing; but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father.

You did not choose me but I chose you. And I appointed you to go and bear fruit, fruit that will last, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask him in my name. I am giving you these commands so that you may love one another.”


It was 2012, the evening of Easter. I was a senior in high school. Katelyn had spent the day with me and my family going to church and then for Easter lunch. We had been spending a lot of time together, we both knew there was interest, but we (or perhaps more accurately I) still thought we were in the talking phase, still figuring things out. As we got in the car, I could tell something was wrong, so I asked. And I’m not sure I was ready for the response: so what are we, Cogan? We’ve gone on dates now, I spend all day with your family, what are we? Ah, the moment had come. Time to define the relationship. I was headed to Valpo in the fall while Katelyn would finish her senior year. Would we continue? Or at least try? What kind of relationship was this?

Maybe you’ve been there and had a similar conversation. Defining the relationship happens in the liminal space between acquaintance and closeness. It is a mark of intimacy and trust that was not in the relationship before. This conversation happens because someone in the relationship feels like they aren’t on the same page as the other and there’s a need for clarification.

Or a fast approaching change spurs on the conversation like graduation or moving. And its usually a difficult conversation to have: it risks vulnerability, rejection, but it also could result in deeper companionship and love. We always hear and maybe even say it ourselves that faith, Christianity is about a relationship with Jesus. And that’s true it is, even if you don’t often use or feel the most comfortable with that language. But what kind of relationship is it?

We have all kinds of relationships: think about the varying kinds with your family, or colleagues, or neighbors, or friends. I have a relationship with my neighbor Jo that consists mostly of friendly waves. I have a relationship with Clive, my son, which also has friendly waves. But these relationships are not the same. So what kind of relationship do we share with Jesus? Luckily, he tells us what kind in this passage today.

Toward the end of dinner with his disciples, Jesus thinks it's time to define the relationship. Nothing like a crucifixion to force the conversation. However, Jesus doesn’t really do the DTR the way relationship experts and their articles say. Usually, it’s not a good idea for one person to state what the relationship was and then proclaim it to be something different. It’s something best done or decided on together through Communication, questions, and active listening. Jesus does none of that. Instead, Jesus informs the disciples that their relationship was a master/slave relationship.

In the time of Jesus, master/slave relationships were marked by command, ignorance, and obedience. The master said what to do. The slave, not knowing the details of the task he was doing, simply obeyed out of fear of punishment. This according to Jesus was the one-way relationship between him and his disciples. But something changed. “No longer are you slaves”, Jesus says, “you are my friends.” And ever since these words were written, people have been arguing over what they mean. Some say Jesus didn’t really make them “friends”.

The disciples are still servants, but the good kind, no longer motivated by fear, but motivated out of a desire to make the master happy. But I don’t think that’s the case. Rather, Jesus’ statement is clearly one of manumission, release from slavery, and freedom into a new kind of relationship, namely friendship.

And they are friends because of the knowledge Jesus has shared with them. He’s told them everything he has received from God about his mission and ministry on earth, his death and resurrection, his plan of redemption for the whole world. And the disciples will remain friends if they do what Jesus commands.

Now you might say, “I thought that giving commands was a marker of the old master/slave, one-way relationship. Why can Jesus still give commands to the disciples if they are friends and does it work the other way around? Can the disciples give commands of Jesus?

If we think about our own relationships, we know that servitude is not incompatible with friendship. No, it's quite the opposite, they often go hand in hand. And the more intimate the relationship, the more commands are given. If Katelyn, my wife but also my best friend, says the grass is tall, mow the yard, I better do it for the good of the relationship. Notice it wasn't a suggestion “you should mow the yard”, it wasn’t a question “Can you mow the yard?” It was a command. One that by the intimacy of our relationship she is able to make and I ought to obey.

What does any of this mean for our relationship with Jesus? Jesus has defined the relationship not only for him and his disciples but for us, too. Jesus has made us friends, ones so close that he can give commands and expect us to do them. And the command he gives is this, “love one another I have loved you”. Keep in mind we hear this passage in the season of Easter, meaning we know how Jesus loved. He loved them so much he gave his life for them and us. So when Jesus gives this command to love and sacrifice, he’s not asking us to do something that he hasn’t already done for us.

But what about us commanding Jesus? Yes, I think we have that right. Look at the Psalms or Moses, who give commands and imperatives to God often. Yet, at the same time, Jesus need not obey the same way we do. This friendship between us and Jesus, isn’t quite equal. How could it be? However, we do have something to add to the relationship. When Jesus says you are my friends if you keep my commandments, it’s an invitation to respond to the love, sacrifice, and friendship Jesus so freely gives to us by having friends. It is a part of our Christian calling then to make and be friends, to love one another, and to make sacrifices for their wellbeing. This kind of friendship, John tells us, gives Glory to God and great joy to me and you.

And the reality is, we need friends now more than ever. A report from the surgeon general just last year called loneliness and isolation an epidemic in this country. Americans are spending more time alone than ever before. The Cigna loneliness survey found that nearly 60% of people in the U.S. report feeling lonely on a regular basis.

And while our young people are hyper connected virtually, 16-24 year old’s reported feeling isolated at a staggering 73%, the highest percentage of any group. And the effects of such loneliness are severe.

Dr. Vivek Murthy the surgeon general of the US writes, Loneliness “is far more than just a bad feeling. "It is associated with a greater risk of cardiovascular disease, dementia, stroke, depression, anxiety, and premature death.” Being socially disconnected is nearly as bad for your health as smoking a pack a day, believe it or not. Not to mention the stress it puts on the already torn social fabric rippling across our communities right now too.

So take the risk. Make friends and be friends. I’m not saying this is easy, especially the kind of friendship Jesus is calling us to. It’s risky, it may require hard conversation, and if we do it right, it means sacrifice. But we are all better because of it.

After all, we get by with a little help from our friends. Amen