Mark 16:1-8

When the sabbath was over, Mary Magdalene, and Mary the mother of James, and Salome bought spices, so that they might go and anoint him. And very early on the first day of the week, when the sun had risen, they went to the tomb. They had been saying to one another, “Who will roll away the stone for us from the entrance to the tomb?” When they looked up, they saw that the stone, which was very large, had already been rolled back.

As they entered the tomb, they saw a young man, dressed in a white robe, sitting on the right side; and they were alarmed. But he said to them, “Do not be alarmed; you are looking for Jesus of Nazareth, who was crucified. He has been raised; he is not here. Look, there is the place they laid him. But go, tell his disciples and Peter that he is going ahead of you to Galilee; there you will see him, just as he told you.”

So they went out and fled from the tomb, for terror and amazement had seized them; and they said nothing to anyone, for they were afraid.

Beware and warning! This book is different from other books. You and you alone are in charge of what happens in this story. There are dangers, choices, adventures and consequences. you must use all of your numerous talents and much of your enormous intelligence. The wrong decision could end in disaster - even death. but don't despair. At any time, you can go back and make another choice, alter the path of your story, and change its result.

That’s how every “Choose your own adventure” book begins. Then you are thrown into the thick of some plot. Maybe you're a teenage detective searching for a stolen rare tea bowl like in Cup of Death. Or you’re a doctor for a highly skilled expedition on the Amazon river as in Lost on the Amazon. Or the COO of spy activity for a new nation in the year 2051 as in Beyond Escape.

Did you read these books as a kid or remember your kids reading them? They were all the rage in the 80s and 90s. But if you’ve never heard of the “choose your own adventure” series, they were small chapter books created by Edward Packard and Ray Montgomery, two dads, who loved telling stories to their kids.

Here’s how they work: every few pages you are left with a decision to make: swim up the river turn to page 43 or stay on the shore turn to page 71. Make a run for it turn to page 4 or talk to the shop owner, page 38. And then there were multiple endings based on the decisions you made. At first, you likely made choices by following your intuitions, decisions you would actually make in real life. But then, if you weren’t happy with the ending, you’d go back, make different choices, and receive a different ending. And the allure of the “choose” books was that the deaths were never final. No matter how the story ends - you could get sliced in half by a portal that sends your torso to the future and your legs to the past - even then you could go back and make different choices. The ending was never really the end.

And as a kid… I couldn’t stand these books! I didn’t like hopping around from one scene to the next. I wanted consistency in the story; I wanted some certainty as to what could be expected; I wanted closure. That’s how real life is, afterall. We take comfort that, most of the time, we can anticipate what’s coming next. Sure, this life might be a little mundane sometimes, but at least we know what it holds: we’re born, we go to school, we get jobs. We might get married; we grow old, and we get one ending, the same ending, [we die].

We make choices along the way, but we can’t go back and change them. That’s why my routine loving, black and white thinking, ten year old self didn’t like “choose your own adventure books”: I wanted more closure then they could offer. And my hunch is that’s likely why we struggle with the end of Mark’s gospel, too. It offers no closure.

Mary Magdalene, Mary the Mother of James, and Salome came for closure. They expected to see and anoint the body of Jesus, whom they saw die two days ago. But that's not how this story goes. What they came looking for, they didn't find. What was expected, didn’t happen! “He’s not here.” Says the young man in the tomb. “Look! That's where he was laid”.

They had in fact watched some guy named Joseph wrap Jesus' body in linen cloth and place him in the tomb that’s now empty. “So go, tell his disciples… that he’s gone on ahead of you to Galilee; that’s where you’ll see him, just as he told you!” They fled from the tomb, for terror and amazement had seized them, telling nothing to anyone, for they were afraid.

That’s the ending? That’s no ending. Seeing the body in the tomb, that would be an ending. Seeing the risen Jesus in Galilee that would be an ending. But seeing neither and the women leaving and telling no one because they were afraid, that’s no ending at all! In Matthew the women see Jesus as they flee the tomb and the disciples talk to him on the mountain. In Luke, Jesus walks with two disciples on the road to Emmaus and then has dinner with all them. In John, there is breakfast on the beach. Those are endings!

But in Mark, we get an abrupt pause. An unfinished story. And if there is one thing we can’t stand, it's a story with no end. Joyous ending, terrible ending, we’ll take what we can get; just as long as there’s an ending. We aren’t the first people to be troubled by Mark’s unfinished story. From very early on, the church tried to fill in the story so that it comes to a nice conclusion, like proof of a resurrection and assurance that the women did in fact tell others. That’s why if you pulled out that black Bible underneath your seat you’d see two additional endings. But people much smarter than me say verse 8 is most likely where Mark stopped writing.

So it might be helpful to look at Mark’s version of the resurrection as a “choose your own adventure”, because in many ways, that’s what it is: an unfinished story that you are a part of. You are thrown into the thick of the plot along with Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, and Salome. While they went to the tomb, you came here this morning. You too came looking for Jesus. Or maybe you came looking for proof of the resurrection, or maybe you came just to hear a good easter story with no loose ends. But what you got instead is the word and promise of someone else telling you that Jesus was crucified but has been raised. And that he’s gone on ahead of you. That he will meet you in the days ahead, just as he said he would. You now get to choose how this story continues…

That’s the good news of the resurrection! The story is unfinished and you get to be a part of it. Death is no longer the end of the story. Through the death and resurrection of Jesus you have new life and it starts here and now. It’s not new life like a “choose your own adventure book”. You can’t go back and change the decision you’ve made and receive a different ending. New life in Christ is much greater than that! Its not going backward, but forward.

New life in Christ means: if you aren’t happy with the way you're living your life, with the decisions you’ve made, or with how your story is turning out, you get to try again! We don’t make the right choices, we don’t love our neighbors as we should, nor do we work for justice the way God wants us to. But because of Jesus, we are forgiven for all that we’ve done or not done, said or not said. And that forgiveness, that fresh start of each new day, that opportunity to try again and again is what we call grace. And that grace is given to you as a gift, no strings attached.

To be clear, no choice you make gets you saved or puts you in a right relationship with God. That choice was made for you by Jesus on Friday. The choice that lies before us now is the same that the Marys and Salome faced some 2000 years ago this very morning. You’ve heard the good news. Jesus is not dead. He is alive. You’ve been given new life! So what will it be?

Will you leave and tell no one?

Will you share the good news with all who need it?

Will you run to meet Jesus and continue the work he’s called us to: loving our neighbors, feeding the hungry, striving for justice?

If so, beware and warning. Because this story is different from all other stories and you are invited to be a part of it. There are dangers, choices, adventures and consequences. God has given you so many talents and enormous intelligence to help along the way. You’ll make wrong decisions, there will be disaster, and even death. But don’t despair. It's not the end. Jesus has given you new life, calling you forward into a new day, forgiving your sins, giving you grace, and altering the path of your story. Thanks be to God.

Amen.

Matthew 18:10-14

‘Take care that you do not despise one of these little ones; for, I tell you, in heaven their angels continually see the face of my Father in heaven.* What do you think? If a shepherd has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go in search of the one that went astray? And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine that never went astray. So it is not the will of your* Father in heaven that one of these little ones should be lost.

Have you ever made rock candy? I have not. But the process isn’t that hard. [Start video] To make rock candy you wrap a piece of string around something and let some of it hang down. Then you take a glass, combine water and sugar until it makes a thick solution, and then you drop that string down into the water. For a while nothing happens, a day, two days go by and you don’t notice a big change. But then all of a sudden, when the saturation point is reached, the sugar molecules begin to crystallize around the string. More and more crystals form, making the string harder and harder. Eventually, the string is completely calloused over with these crystals. That is how you make rock candy and it’s how shame works.

Over the past many weeks we have journeyed together through different forms of grief or different ways we experience grief. Some were obvious and common. Others were nuanced and unexplored.

Tonight we have one more kind of grief and it is perhaps the one many of us least want to address: grief for the places that have not known love. As Francis Weller explains, “These are profoundly tender places precisely because they have lived outside of kindness, compassion, warmth, or welcome. These are the places within us that have been wrapped in shame and banished to the farthest shores of our lives. We often hate these parts of ourselves, hold them in contempt, and refuse to allow them the light of day.”

We all have these parts of ourselves. It might be one’s body or a part of it that you loathe or won’t look at in the mirror, bringing about the self-image you’ve struggled with all your life. It might be the neglect you endured growing up or face now, leaving you feeling rejected and not just that you did something wrong, but feeling that something is wrong with you.

It might be abuse, physical, mental, or sexual, that you survived but have locked away hidden in the dark out of fear of judgment or reliving the trauma.

It might be one’s sexuality, the realization of who you were made to love, and at the same time rejecting that with all you can, afraid of rejection from family, friends, even your own faith.

And here is how shame is like making rock candy. We can endure some neglect or hurt. We can withstand some berating, self-criticism, and disappointment. But then there comes a point when we can’t. And with enough repetition, by staying in that solution too long, crystals grow around that thing and we become hardened. The internal stories associated with those events reach their saturation point and the fictions, the lies, the hurt crystallize into things that feel like truths we cannot break.

What is the thing in your life, in your very soul for which you are ashamed. We all have this and we all do our best to cast it out to the deepest, darkest parts of our souls where we hope it goes to die. But it doesn’t. Instead, we end up carrying around this shame, and it separates us from others and ourselves, bending us over, pulling us down so that we no longer gaze into the eyes of others, because the last thing we want when we feel such shame and self-doubt, is to be seen.

So like the sheep in the parable, we try to run off, to hide, to go astray. That is what shame does: it makes us think it’s better to be alone because at least then no one will know my shame.

Yet, that’s not how Jesus, our shepherd, works. The catch in the parable is that if one sheep goes astray, no shepherd in their right mind would leave the other 99! But this shepherd does. Here the words of the Psalmist as if Jesus, our shepherd, is saying them to you: “I have searched you and known you… I have discerned your thoughts… I am acquainted with all your ways… I know you completely. I surround you and protect you.

There is no place where I can’t find you or won’t go to save you. In your joyous moments and when shame has you in the pit of hell, I am there. You say you dwell in the darkness, but that’s where I do my best work. For only in darkness can my light shine through.”

Shame hardens our hearts; it makes us feel as though parts of us are outside of God’s reach, as if we are unloveable. But that is a lie. You are sought out, you are known, you are loved. In Jesus, God takes all our shame and the sin that caused it, and puts it to shame on the cross. We need not carry it anymore.

But what can we do? Is there anything, other than hearing this good news, that helps us address the shame that's hardened within us? And this is where grief comes in. “what we feel ashamed of, what we perceive as defective or flawed about ourselves, we also experience as loss. And the proper response to any loss is grief.”

So what can we do to move from shame to grief?

Here are three things: One, we begin to see ourselves not as worthless but as wounded. Because, if we are honest, that’s what we are. We have been wounded by ourselves, by others, and by a society that feeds off of shaming. And yet you have worth! You are made worthy through the grace and love of Jesus. It has been bestowed to you, given to you, and nothing can ever take that away from you.

Second, once we recognize our hurt, we can begin to see ourselves with compassion rather than contempt. With less condemnation and more understanding. The samaritan looked upon the stranger and had compassion. Out of compassion, Jesus fed the 5,000, gave sight to the blind, healed the sick, and forgave those who put him on the cross. The path to forgiveness for others and healing for yourself begins with a posture of compassion, never scorn or disdain.

Lastly, move from silence to sharing. This is nothing new. Over the last few weeks, we’ve heard the importance of sharing our grief. And The same is true for our shame. When we share it, all that pulls us down or keeps us away is lifted and we can begin to grieve the loss we’ve experienced. So share it with a trusted friend, with a trusted therapist or counselor, or with a trusted pastor. Most of all, share it with God and hide it no longer.

Let the love of Jesus break through the hardened lies that shame has formed inside our souls, giving light to our darkest parts.

Tonight we will practice exactly that. On your chair you have a candle. As Jeannie plays this next hymn, share your shame with God in prayer. Tell God of the parts of you that have not known love, the parts you’ve tried to hide. Invite God into those very places, to heal our wounds, move us to compassion, and soften our hardened hearts. Then, when ready, light your candle and place it on the way. And together we will see that the light shines in the darkness and the darkness cannot overcome it.

Amen.

Resurrection as "Choose Your Own Adventure"

Grieving Well - Places That Have Not Known Love