Mark 10:2-10

Some Pharisees came, and to test him they asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” He answered them, “What did Moses command you?” They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of dismissal and to divorce her.” But Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote this commandment for you. But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Then in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter.

When Mark asked me to preach today, I said, “Sure.” And then I read the appointed Gospel about marriage and divorce and said, “Thanks a lot.”

On October 6th, 1991, I preached on this text with a theme -- “For Better or Worse.” It was memorable for me for one reason—a woman got up and walked out. She left a note on my desk that I found after worship which in essence said, “Your sermon condemned me for my divorce. I won’t be back.” My heart sank.

Well, we met and talked and she did come back and remains there today. I tried to explain to her that what Jesus is talking about here depicts the ideal for marriage, and that I didn’t make that clear in the sermon. Looking over the sermon I had indeed come down more on the judgmental side of things and that wasn’t helpful at all. Lesson learned—words of grace overcome judgment.

Some of you might remember President Jimmy Carter once openly confessing that he had committed adultery in his heart by lusting and looking at other women. He confessed that he didn’t live up to the ideal of marriage. He and Rosalyn have been married for 75 years now. Close to the ideal, but in President Carter’s view, not quite.

Over the 51 plus years of my ministry, I have officiated 468 weddings (the first of which was to marry my mother a few weeks after my ordination.) 468 --That’s a lot of pre-marriage counseling, rehearsals, rehearsal dinners and receptions. How many of those 468 have endured? Well, if statistics are correct, it could be about half of them or even less than half have endured. So many reasons/causes for the dissolution of so many marriages that couldn’t/didn’t live up to the ideal.

As I looked at my Pastoral Record book at the names and places of those weddings, I was struck by how many of the brides and grooms were only 16, 17 or 18 years old. The oldest bride was 71. Maturity is a factor.

Most of the weddings took place in the church I was serving at the time—northwest Ohio and mid-Michigan, but also on the beach at Malibu, CA; in a swanky private club in Toledo, OH; in a chapel in the woods in Hot Springs, AR; in living rooms; and most recently, in trendy wedding venues— like the Ice House in downtown PHX; a decommissioned Catholic church in Galveston, TX, in city parks, and family back yards. The venues change, but the words—the promises, remain the same— “Will you love, comfort, honor and keep, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, be faithful for as long as you both shall live?” Out of the 468 marriages, I never had one bride or groom say, “No, I won’t do that.” But the reality after the honeymoon, tells a different story.

Here is another marriage story. On April 3rd, 2001, I got a phone call from a guy whose name I didn’t recognize. He had tracked me down by making a number of phone calls to find out where I was then serving. He said he was calling to tell me that he and his bride were celebrating their 25th anniversary that day and before they went out to dinner, he wanted me to surprise his wife by saying hello and congratulations, which of course, I did. She was flabbergasted.

His reason for calling me was that back in 1976, she was 18 and he was 21 and their families tried to dissuade them from getting married, but he said, “You believed in us and did the service, and we just wanted to thank you again and let you know that it worked.”

One just never knows about marriages. It was a humbling moment for me, and reminded me that God’s grace is able to over-power our human liabilities.

Another true story…I was back at the same congregation where the woman walked out and left the note. I was there to preach for some special occasion, and standing at the door shaking hands following the service another woman whom I recognized gave me a hug and with tears in her eyes said, “I just want to thank you for giving me permission to get a divorce back in the day.” And it was true, I had done that because I knew the circumstances, and believe that God’s intention was not for a woman or man to live in distress or danger for as long as they both would live – especially when the sinful circumstances would not ever change. The ideal would never be reality.

Yes, this text, these words of Jesus are important, and the promises made during a wedding service are serious and heavy and not to be made glibly. To fulfill them takes hard work. Hard work. I used to tell prospective couples that and they would look at me with a blank, unbelieving stare, like, “What do you mean, hard work? We love each other. We are sexually infatuated. We have plans. Hard work?” What could go wrong? (I see some of you smiling out there!)

What could go wrong? Sin happens—even in loving, infatuated, well-intended marriage relationships, sin happens.

Do I believe that Jesus’ words still ring true and are appropriate for today’s wedding services? Yes. Is the covenant made between husband and wife and God of paramount importance? Yes. The heart of any good working marriage is always going to be the willingness to work at it. To be able to say, “I’m sorry.” To be able to forgive, but then also amend/change/repent of the sinful part of the problem so that it doesn’t break into the relationship ever again. The ideal is still the goal.

As God’s love for you and me is unconditional, so must the love we profess in marriage be unconditional. When the ideal marriage becomes unattainable, we must simply trust in the amazing grace of the God who loves us even as we fall short of the ideal.

Divorce is a heart-breaking reality. It causes unfathomable pain for so many, but it doesn’t have to be the last defining thing in one’s life. Our Christian community must willingly rally around those who are hurting because this ideal of marriage was not lived out. Pastors, Stephen Ministers and close friends must encircle the hurting ones and offer words of love, hope and grace – not condemnation, knowing that God in Christ Jesus is ever forgiving.

I often fall back on this saying—The resurrection means that the worst thing is never the last thing.

The worst thing is never the last thing because the grace of our loving God will always win the day when sin and despair seems to have won the moment. The resurrection of Jesus always wins the day and carries us forward.

Amen.

Mark 9:38-50

John said to [Jesus], “Teacher, we saw someone casting out demons in your name and we tried to stop him, because he wasn’t following us.” Jesus said to him, “Do not stop him; for no one who does a deed of power in my name will be able soon afterward to speak evil of me. Whoever is not against us is for us. For truly I tell you, whoever gives you a cup of water to drink because you bear the name of Christ will by no means lose the reward.”

“If any of you put a stumbling block before one of these little ones who believe in me, it would be better for you if a great millstone were hung around your neck and you were thrown into the sea. If your hand causes you to stumble, cut it off; it is better for you to enter life maimed than to have two hands and to go to hell, to the unquenchable fire. And if your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off; it is better for you to enter life lame than to have two feet and to be thrown into hell. And if your eye causes you to stumble, tear it out; it is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye than to have two eyes and to be thrown into hell, where their worm never dies, and the fire is never quenched.

“For everyone will be salted with fire. Salt is good; but if salt has lost its flavor, how can it be seasoned? Have salt in yourselves and be at peace with one another.”

First of all, let’s talk about this limb-lopping, eye-gouging stuff. I don’t want to spend my whole sermon on it – I’ve done that before – but can’t just leave it alone, either. This is always just a good reminder that we get to read Scripture LITERATELY not LITERALLY. In other words, no one in their right mind would argue that Jesus means for us to cut off our hands or remove our feet or pluck out our eyes. It’s nothing more and nothing less than attention-getting rhetoric – and it works. So, if we don’t have to take this bit of Scripture LITERALLY, it’s okay to wonder about the rest of Scripture that way, too. Let that be our in-worship Bible study and now, onto what I really want to talk about…

I did church differently yesterday afternoon, up in Noblesville, with our friends at Roots of Life and Pastor Teri Ditslear. (For those of you who don’t know – Pastor Teri was called to Cross of Grace years ago, before beginning to develop a new congregation up in Noblesville, which we support with a percentage of our Building Fund offerings every month.) Well, Pastor Teri was installed, finally, as their Pastor, even though she’s been their Pastor for about eight years at this point. It takes a while when you have to follow the rules … and the steps … and jump through the hoops and meet all of the expectations of the larger Church. And the funny, faithful thing about Pastor Teri and Roots of Life is that they aren’t big on rules or steps or jumping through hoops – and I love that about her and what their up to there.

See, when I say I “did church differently,” I mean we were outside at a place called Stony Creek Farms – acres and acres of beautiful property that looks more like a movie set than a church property, with an old barn or two, an old house that looks like it might be haunted, something like a greenhouse where the food was served and where I changed into my robe for worship, and a blue and white striped awning under which we worshiped. This is where Roots of Life calls home these days, where they gather for worship, and where they do so much that looks differently from what you and I are used to.

Like, they call themselves Roots of Life “Community,” more than they do call themselves a church, it seems to me. They’re into this new “wild church” thing, too, where they more deliberately connect with and care for creation and nature and where they work for environmental and social justice, just like we’re all called to do. The music yesterday was all bluegrass – a guitar, a bass, a banjo, I think – and songs you wouldn’t find in a hymnal or hear, even, on Christian radio.

And they tweaked the Lord’s Prayer. They said an alternative Affirmation of Faith, rather than one of the traditional creeds. And they gave away grape jelly to guests – grape jelly which they use one Sunday a year as a way to share the sacrament of Holy Communion in worship, instead of wine or juice. It’s enough to make the liturgical police or the religious purists or a modern day Pharisee or John in this morning’s Gospel lose their ever-loving minds.

(Oh, and every start-time at Roots of Life is “ish.” Sunday morning worship begins at 9:30-“ish.” Yesterday started at 4-“ish.” Honestly, I’m wired to struggle more with the “ish”-factor than I am with their Lord’s Prayer or their use of grape jelly for communion.)

Which is why all of it had me thinking about this morning’s Gospel.

See, there are plenty of church people who might think about Pastor Teri and Roots of Life the way John thought about whoever he saw casting out demons in Jesus’ name. John, and the other disciples, tried to stop whoever that was, remember, because “he wasn’t following us,” as John put it. In other words, maybe, “he wasn’t doing it like you would do it, Jesus.” “He wasn’t doing it like you taught us to do it, Jesus.” “He wasn’t following the rules… meeting our expectations… jumping through all of those hoops.”

But Jesus’ instruction couldn’t be clearer: “Don’t stop him." “Whoever is not against us, is for us.” And don’t be a stumbling block, you knuckleheads. Do not – for any reason whatsoever – get in the way of these little ones who believe in me. I’d sooner see you throw yourselves into the sea with a giant millstone around your neck. (There’s more of that hyperbole and exaggeration for you.)

In other words, grace at all costs. Mercy at all costs. Forgiveness at all costs. Love at all costs.

All of this to say, while Roots of Life is cut from the same cloth as Cross of Grace – and Pastor Teri was very deliberate about extending gratitude for the ways we have shared in partnership with them over the years – we do things differently, in our own unique, equally meaningful ways, too. There are plenty of people who would and have taken issue with some of what we do around here, just the same. Neither one is better or worse than the other, necessarily. Just different.

Which is what I think Jesus means when he talks about having salt in ourselves. I think he means that salt is just salt. It just has its flavor – it just tastes like salt – as God created it to taste. And there’s no way to restore that once it’s gone – except maybe by adding more salt.

Roots of Life is just Roots of Life. Cross of Grace is just Cross of Grace. And you are just you. I’m just me. We’re just as unique and special and sacred as God has created and called and blessed us to be. And when we can acknowledge that about ourselves – and celebrate that for ourselves – we can expect and accept and celebrate the same from others, too.

When Jesus says, “have salt in yourselves,” I think he’s saying, “you do you, people of God.” And I can’t know where each of you might be with that – discerning what your salt is; what makes you, you; what matters most for where you’re at these days or where you want to be. I just know that God already and always loves and blesses the salt that gives your life its most unique, authentic, holy, baptized kind of flavor and that God wants more of that for you and from you in this world.

Where our life together at Cross of Grace, as part of God’s church in the world is concerned – and for the partnership we share with places like Roots of Life and Zanmi Fondwa, and Wernle Children’s Home and more in our community – I’m reminded of what matters most these days – of our salt and where we get our flavor, I mean. And that is our call to share grace at all costs, to be generous to a fault, to love radically, with no strings attached – and to help others do the same – so that we can live at peace with, and in support of, the many and various ways God calls us to follow Jesus, to be God’s people, and to do it all for the sake of the world.

Amen

Love and Marriage

Roots of Grace