Why We Do Hard Things

Luke 19:28-40

After Jesus had said this, he went on ahead, going up to Jerusalem. When he had come near Bethphage and Bethany, at the place called the Mount of Olives, he sent two of the disciples, saying,

“Go into the village ahead of you, and as you enter it you will find tied there a colt that has never been ridden.

Untie it and bring it here. If anyone asks you, ‘Why are you untying it?’ just say this, ‘The Lord needs it.’ ” So those who were sent departed and found it as he had told them.

As they were untying the colt, its owners asked them, “Why are you untying the colt?” They said, “The Lord needs it.” Then they brought it to Jesus, and after throwing their cloaks on the colt, they set Jesus on it.

As he rode along, people kept spreading their cloaks on the road. Now as he was approaching the path down from the Mount of Olives, the whole multitude of the disciples began to praise God joyfully with a loud voice for all the deeds of power that they had seen, saying,

“Blessed is the king who comes in the name of the Lord!

Peace in heaven, and glory in the highest heaven!”

Some of the Pharisees in the crowd said to him, “Teacher, order your disciples to stop.” He answered, “I tell you, if these were silent, the stones would shout out.”

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Why do we do hard things? Why do we voluntarily endure pain, like summiting mount everest, writing a novel, or finishing all the New York Times games, including Sudoku! I don’t understand for the life of me why people run marathons… 26.2 miles? Hours of running just to run? And people pay money for that?! Why do we choose things that will undoubtedly bring us pain?

Most of us are wired to pursue pleasure and avoid pain. We tend to choose activities with low cost and high reward. Effort is hard; pain isn’t fun—so we try to reduce both whenever possible.

We say we want things to be easy. But strangely, we often value the things that cost us something—things that ask more of us than we thought we had. We want some place or thing to pour our effort into. But why?

There are a few theories. One is called the Effort Paradox. Ian Hutchinson wrote about it in The Atlantic recently. While effort is typically something we shy away from, it can paradoxically draw us in and enhance the value of what we’re doing.

Hutchinson gives the example of the Comrades Marathon - a 55 miles race in South Africa.

But here is the kicker, you have twelve hours to complete it. Right at the twelve hour mark, a group of people link arms and block the finish line! You’re not even allowed to complete the hell you’ve put yourself through. And yet, those who don’t finish often come back year after year—because the effort itself is satisfying.

We see this paradox elsewhere, too. Kids at play make up extra rules or obstacles, just to make the game harder—and more fun.

Now Hutchinson admits the appeal of hard work varies among people. Some are motivated by the joy and purpose derived from tackling difficult tasks. But the Effort Paradox doesn’t explain which hard things we choose, or why. Yes, effort can make us feel good and imbue a sense of value. But is that enough to explain the hard things we really choose? Things like parenting. Marriage. Leading a team. Starting a business. Caring for a dying parent. The pain isn’t part of the appeal—so why do we stay in it?

This is where our friend David Brooks offers a deeper take. He asks: how do people endure the most severe challenges and overcome the most alluring temptations? It’s generally not through heroic willpower and self-control. If those faculties were strong enough, diets would work, and New Year’s resolutions would be kept. No, we tend to endure great pain only when we are possessed by something more gripping, namely love.

When something or someone seizes us, we can’t help but fall in love. And love demands devotion. It animates us — but it also conquers us. It calls for persistence, obedience, and sacrifice.

This is not just why folks get married but how they stay married. It's why you make a third breakfast for your toddler after he fed the first one to the dog and threw the second one across the table.

It’s why after decades you continue in the same vocation, no matter how maddening it may be at times. It’s this kind of love—not satisfaction from a completed task—that makes hard things meaningful. And paradoxically, Brooks argues, the more we embrace difficulties in this life, rather than avoid them, the more meaningful, passionate, and purposeful this life becomes.

So all week I kept asking myself: what seized Jesus? What love compelled him?

Because that’s the only way to make sense of what he does. Why would Jesus willingly make his way into Jerusalem? Why does he choose the pain that lies ahead? He doesn’t just allow it—he pursues it. Why is he determined to face death?

All week as I read the text, it just made little to no sense to me. Why would anyone get on a young donkey that has never been ridden and ride it down the side of a mountain? Have you ever ridden a horse or a donkey downhill? I have. It’s terrifying. And that was on a trained animal!

Jesus zigzags an untrained donkey down a steep slope to the very city where he knows he’ll be crucified, all while seemingly celebrating the ceremonial chants of his kingship? What kind of king chooses this? What kind of God volunteers for death? Why would anyone, Jesus included, go through such effort? And, is there any effort greater than bearing the sin of the whole world with open arms? Than defeating death once and for all?

It can’t just be about grit. This isn’t the kind of effort that brings satisfaction just because it was difficult. No, it has to be something else. It has to be that for some reason Jesus is captivated by love, a deep irradiating love for you, me, and all the world. A love that is beyond our logic of pleasure and pain. A love that is so animating and self-denying that it demands devotion and obedience, obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. That’s what Palm Sunday is all about. It’s not just the triumphal entry, but the choice to love us all the way to suffering and death. It’s a celebration of such all-consuming love.

This Holy Week, allow yourself to be consumed by that love. Let this story, which is about to unfold over the next few days, grip you. Let it captivate you, whether you’ve heard it eighty times or it’s your first. Brooks says, “The capacity to be seized is a great and underappreciated talent.”

So be seized—by this God in flesh, riding on a donkey to his death in order to give you and me life. Don’t turn from the pain thats coming. If anything lean into - ponder it, see it for what it is - effort! Effort on your behalf. As one psychologist wrote, “effort is one of the things that gives meaning to life. Effort means that you care about something”. And it is Jesus' effort that gives meaning to our life, to your life.

All through Lent, we try our best to do hard things, painful things; not because we want the satisfaction of doing something difficult, but because the effort is a sign of devotion, an outpouring of love. This week, take your practice one step further. If it’s fasting, add a day, if it’s not eating something, remove something else. If it’s prayer, add more time.

If it's generosity, give even more. And if you didn’t start a practice—don’t worry. It’s not too late.

Come to the prayer vigil. Make Maundy Thursday a priority—hear again the Last Supper and Judas’ betrayal. Witness the pain of Good Friday. Feel it. It will make Easter Sunday all the more joyful!

We do all of this not so that we will be loved, but to see and experience just how much you are loved already. Maybe—just maybe—you’ll begin to feel the devotion that led Jesus to his death.

Yes, I’m asking you to voluntarily choose pain this week. But paradoxically I think it will make the week all the better. As C.S. Lewis said “When pain is over, it is over, and the natural sequel is joy.” The same is true for this week. There will be pain. There will be death. And there will be resurrection. But let’s not skip over the first two.

Why do we do hard things? Because love demands it. And this week, Love rides in on a donkey, walks through betrayal, bears a cross, and cracks open a tomb.

Let this love seize you.

Amen.

Palm Sunday's Anticipatory Grief

Mark 14:1-9

It was two days before the Passover and the festival of Unleavened Bread. The chief priests and the scribes were looking for a way to arrest Jesus by stealth and kill him; for they said, ‘Not during the festival, or there may be a riot among the people.’

While he was at Bethany in the house of Simon the leper, as he sat at the table, a woman came with an alabaster jar of very costly ointment of nard, and she broke open the jar and poured the ointment on his head. But some were there who said to one another in anger, ‘Why was the ointment wasted in this way? For this ointment could have been sold for more than three hundred denarii, and the money given to the poor.’ And they scolded her.

But Jesus said, ‘Let her alone; why do you trouble her? She has performed a good service for me. For you always have the poor with you, and you can show kindness to them whenever you wish; but you will not always have me. She has done what she could; she has anointed my body beforehand for its burial. Truly I tell you, wherever the good news is proclaimed in the whole world, what she has done will be told in remembrance of her.’

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I promise, I’m almost done inviting you to listen to Anderson Cooper’s All There Is podcast. So much of our midweek Lenten series on “grieving well” was inspired by the interviews, conversations, and insights from that show. I can’t recommend it enough.

And one of the ways of grief we didn’t cover on Wednesday nights over the course of the last five weeks seems so appropriate for today, I just couldn’t resist. It’s called “anticipatory grief” and it’s something I never really wondered much about until hearing Anderson’s interview with a film-maker named Kirsten Johnson, who actually made a movie about her dad’s dementia, as he was suffering, declining, and very literally preparing to die, long before he ever found himself in hospital bed or nursing home, even. More on that in a moment … but keep the notion of “anticipatory grief” in mind, if you could. In some ways it speaks for itself.

Today, this Palm Sunday, is a day full of symbols and story and looking ahead, because it’s all about what is to come in the days that follow Jesus’ entry into Jerusalem. In many churches on Palm Sunday – and at Cross of Grace, many years – we simply hear the Passion narrative of Jesus’ last days and hours, leading up to his crucifixion and death. But there will be time for that, later this week. Particularly, on Good Friday, we’ll gather to hear about his last steps and last words, and last breath, even, on the cross.

So today, we’re just getting started – with the parade into Jerusalem before the big holiday for the Jews and now, even closer to the Passover, we find Jesus having dinner and being anointed with oil by this woman who seems to anticipate something others have missed … something Jesus understands … which is that his death looms. It is right around the corner and coming soon.

And, who knows why she understands and anticipates what others don’t? Maybe she was paying attention at that parade, when Jesus rode into Jerusalem on that donkey and those palm branches and cloaks were laid out before him.

Maybe she knew that he’d gotten the attention of the powers that be, that his challenge to the Empire would be his undoing.

Maybe she knew her scripture enough to recognize, in those shouts of “Hosanna,” that here was, indeed, this one who had come in the name of the Lord.

Maybe, as John’s Gospel tells it, this was Jesus’ good friend, Mary, Martha’s sister and the sister of Lazarus. And maybe she came with the oil because Jesus had told her; given her the inside scoop. Maybe she had a plan to show the others something they hadn’t been able to catch onto yet. I wonder, if maybe Jesus had even asked her to do just that. Or maybe her moment of anointing was a surprise – even to Jesus – that set his final days on a new course, in a way that surprised even him.

Whatever the case, the point is clear. Jesus was about to die. This woman knew it. Jesus knew it. And, I think, it was time for the rest of the crew to finally get with the program, and to understand the fullness of what was coming.

But that’s hard news to hear, right – that the end is near for those we care about? that death is coming for those we love? It’s easy stuff to deny, isn’t it? We’re inclined to pretend and to live otherwise, as much and for as long as we’re able, a lot of the time. We are hangers on, “tooth and nail” kind of people, most of the time, when it comes to death and dying.

But, whether he was ready for it or not, I think that’s the blessing Jesus received from this woman who anoints him today. I think she reminded him – and anyone who was really able to hear it, that his death was pending … on the way … imminent. And her anointing becomes a blessing – a teachable moment – Jesus, himself, uses to prepare his people for the truth and fullness of what was to come.

See, in all of that grumbling about the perfume and about how much it cost and about how much it could have done for the poor, Jesus seems to be unfussed. Because, back in Jesus’ day, this kind of anointing with perfume was done when someone died. They anointed the body with oils as a ritual sort of cleansing, as a spiritual sort of preparation for the afterlife, and, quite practically, I imagine, to keep the smell to a minimum once the bodies were left to decompose in those family tombs that got used from one funeral to the next.

All of that is why Jesus doesn’t bother with the others when they pretend to care that the money from that perfume could have been used to help the poor. He tells them to back off, to leave the woman alone, and to let her do with her perfume whatever she wants to do with her perfume. “You’ll always have the poor with you,” he promises. “You will not always have me,” he warns. “You will not always have me.”

Kirsten Johnson, the filmmaker Anderson Cooper interviews about this thing called “anticipatory grief” – the one who made a movie about her own father’s decline into dementia, dying, and death – hosted a funeral service for her dad, while he was alive and still well and able to experience it, himself.

In the family’s church, with all of their loved ones gathered, people who had known him throughout his entire life came and spoke and said what they would want to say at his actual funeral, when the time came. Only, he was able to watch it, hear it, experience it, on this side of heaven. What a gift.

What if, in that moment with Jesus over dinner, that woman was giving her version of a eulogy? Offering him the gift of her anticipatory grief … sharing the depth of her love for him … anointing him as cosmic royalty in the eyes of the creator of the universe … showing whoever was paying attention that nothing was or is or could be more valuable than the kind of love he came to share – not her perfume or her paycheck or her pretending that everything was just fine.

At that funeral that wasn’t really a funeral, for the man with dementia who wasn’t dead yet, a woman stood up and said, “as long as my memory lives, the memory of him will live in me.”

And I wonder if our lesson for today, if our invitation as we enter into yet another Holy Week, is to anticipate the grief that’s on the way in the days to come. And I don’t mean in a long-suffering, masochistic, self-flagellating kind of way. I mean, in a worshipful, awe-inspiring, reverent, hope-filled kind of way that might change our lives – and change our way in this world – if we let that kind of grief have its way with us more often than we’re inclined, so much of the time.

I mean, if we lived every day like Jesus’ sacrifice was just around the corner, instead of just one Holy Week out of 52 in every year… wouldn’t things be different for us, as his followers? And then maybe the world could be different, too?

Would we be more grateful for what we already have and stop coveting the green grass on the other side of every fence?

Would we give more generously, out of our abundance, as Jesus commanded? Or would we keep giving from what we have leftover or saving and striving for a day that may never come?

Would the extent of our social activism be limited to our social media feed? Or might we get out and do more with our hands and with our feet and with our voices and with our votes?

Would we save our greatest expressions of love and devotion for the funeral, or would we say more of those things face to face with words and actions, instead?

Would we ask for forgiveness and offer it more often and with more integrity?

Because the reason we can be honest and real and even embrace the grief that has or will come to us all, is because of the good news we share as children of God, as followers of Jesus, as the baptized in Christ, headed into this Holy Week.

See, this grief we anticipate – ours, Christ’s, that woman who made the movie, or the one with the perfume – none of this grief wins the day. It doesn’t last forever. It invites us to anticipate, too, the new life that follows. Our grief is evidence of the deep, abiding love God has for us all. And it calls us to more of the love, joy, grace, guts and faith with which we’re called to live on this side of heaven and for the sake of the world, our God so loves.

Amen