Pain

Why We Do Hard Things

Luke 19:28-40

After Jesus had said this, he went on ahead, going up to Jerusalem. When he had come near Bethphage and Bethany, at the place called the Mount of Olives, he sent two of the disciples, saying,

“Go into the village ahead of you, and as you enter it you will find tied there a colt that has never been ridden.

Untie it and bring it here. If anyone asks you, ‘Why are you untying it?’ just say this, ‘The Lord needs it.’ ” So those who were sent departed and found it as he had told them.

As they were untying the colt, its owners asked them, “Why are you untying the colt?” They said, “The Lord needs it.” Then they brought it to Jesus, and after throwing their cloaks on the colt, they set Jesus on it.

As he rode along, people kept spreading their cloaks on the road. Now as he was approaching the path down from the Mount of Olives, the whole multitude of the disciples began to praise God joyfully with a loud voice for all the deeds of power that they had seen, saying,

“Blessed is the king who comes in the name of the Lord!

Peace in heaven, and glory in the highest heaven!”

Some of the Pharisees in the crowd said to him, “Teacher, order your disciples to stop.” He answered, “I tell you, if these were silent, the stones would shout out.”


Why do we do hard things? Why do we voluntarily endure pain, like summiting mount everest, writing a novel, or finishing all the New York Times games, including Sudoku! I don’t understand for the life of me why people run marathons… 26.2 miles? Hours of running just to run? And people pay money for that?! Why do we choose things that will undoubtedly bring us pain?

Most of us are wired to pursue pleasure and avoid pain. We tend to choose activities with low cost and high reward. Effort is hard; pain isn’t fun—so we try to reduce both whenever possible.

We say we want things to be easy. But strangely, we often value the things that cost us something—things that ask more of us than we thought we had. We want some place or thing to pour our effort into. But why?

There are a few theories. One is called the Effort Paradox. Ian Hutchinson wrote about it in The Atlantic recently. While effort is typically something we shy away from, it can paradoxically draw us in and enhance the value of what we’re doing.

Hutchinson gives the example of the Comrades Marathon - a 55 miles race in South Africa.

But here is the kicker, you have twelve hours to complete it. Right at the twelve hour mark, a group of people link arms and block the finish line! You’re not even allowed to complete the hell you’ve put yourself through. And yet, those who don’t finish often come back year after year—because the effort itself is satisfying.

We see this paradox elsewhere, too. Kids at play make up extra rules or obstacles, just to make the game harder—and more fun.

Now Hutchinson admits the appeal of hard work varies among people. Some are motivated by the joy and purpose derived from tackling difficult tasks. But the Effort Paradox doesn’t explain which hard things we choose, or why. Yes, effort can make us feel good and imbue a sense of value. But is that enough to explain the hard things we really choose? Things like parenting. Marriage. Leading a team. Starting a business. Caring for a dying parent. The pain isn’t part of the appeal—so why do we stay in it?

This is where our friend David Brooks offers a deeper take. He asks: how do people endure the most severe challenges and overcome the most alluring temptations? It’s generally not through heroic willpower and self-control. If those faculties were strong enough, diets would work, and New Year’s resolutions would be kept. No, we tend to endure great pain only when we are possessed by something more gripping, namely love.

When something or someone seizes us, we can’t help but fall in love. And love demands devotion. It animates us — but it also conquers us. It calls for persistence, obedience, and sacrifice.

This is not just why folks get married but how they stay married. It's why you make a third breakfast for your toddler after he fed the first one to the dog and threw the second one across the table.

It’s why after decades you continue in the same vocation, no matter how maddening it may be at times. It’s this kind of love—not satisfaction from a completed task—that makes hard things meaningful. And paradoxically, Brooks argues, the more we embrace difficulties in this life, rather than avoid them, the more meaningful, passionate, and purposeful this life becomes.

So all week I kept asking myself: what seized Jesus? What love compelled him?

Because that’s the only way to make sense of what he does. Why would Jesus willingly make his way into Jerusalem? Why does he choose the pain that lies ahead? He doesn’t just allow it—he pursues it. Why is he determined to face death?

All week as I read the text, it just made little to no sense to me. Why would anyone get on a young donkey that has never been ridden and ride it down the side of a mountain? Have you ever ridden a horse or a donkey downhill? I have. It’s terrifying. And that was on a trained animal!

Jesus zigzags an untrained donkey down a steep slope to the very city where he knows he’ll be crucified, all while seemingly celebrating the ceremonial chants of his kingship? What kind of king chooses this? What kind of God volunteers for death? Why would anyone, Jesus included, go through such effort? And, is there any effort greater than bearing the sin of the whole world with open arms? Than defeating death once and for all?

It can’t just be about grit. This isn’t the kind of effort that brings satisfaction just because it was difficult. No, it has to be something else. It has to be that for some reason Jesus is captivated by love, a deep irradiating love for you, me, and all the world. A love that is beyond our logic of pleasure and pain. A love that is so animating and self-denying that it demands devotion and obedience, obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. That’s what Palm Sunday is all about. It’s not just the triumphal entry, but the choice to love us all the way to suffering and death. It’s a celebration of such all-consuming love.

This Holy Week, allow yourself to be consumed by that love. Let this story, which is about to unfold over the next few days, grip you. Let it captivate you, whether you’ve heard it eighty times or it’s your first. Brooks says, “The capacity to be seized is a great and underappreciated talent.”

So be seized—by this God in flesh, riding on a donkey to his death in order to give you and me life. Don’t turn from the pain thats coming. If anything lean into - ponder it, see it for what it is - effort! Effort on your behalf. As one psychologist wrote, “effort is one of the things that gives meaning to life. Effort means that you care about something”. And it is Jesus' effort that gives meaning to our life, to your life.

All through Lent, we try our best to do hard things, painful things; not because we want the satisfaction of doing something difficult, but because the effort is a sign of devotion, an outpouring of love. This week, take your practice one step further. If it’s fasting, add a day, if it’s not eating something, remove something else. If it’s prayer, add more time.

If it's generosity, give even more. And if you didn’t start a practice—don’t worry. It’s not too late.

Come to the prayer vigil. Make Maundy Thursday a priority—hear again the Last Supper and Judas’ betrayal. Witness the pain of Good Friday. Feel it. It will make Easter Sunday all the more joyful!

We do all of this not so that we will be loved, but to see and experience just how much you are loved already. Maybe—just maybe—you’ll begin to feel the devotion that led Jesus to his death.

Yes, I’m asking you to voluntarily choose pain this week. But paradoxically I think it will make the week all the better. As C.S. Lewis said “When pain is over, it is over, and the natural sequel is joy.” The same is true for this week. There will be pain. There will be death. And there will be resurrection. But let’s not skip over the first two.

Why do we do hard things? Because love demands it. And this week, Love rides in on a donkey, walks through betrayal, bears a cross, and cracks open a tomb.

Let this love seize you.

Amen.


Foxes, Hens, and the Lies We Tell our Children

Luke 13:31-35

At that very hour some Pharisees came and said to him, “Get away from here, for Herod wants to kill you.” He said to them, “Go and tell that fox for me, ‘Listen, I am casting out demons and performing cures today and tomorrow, and on the third day I finish my work. Yet today, tomorrow, and the next day I must be on my way, because it is impossible for a prophet to be killed outside of Jerusalem.’

Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to it! How often have I desired to gather your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you were not willing! See, your house is left to you. And I tell you, you will not see me until the time comes when you say, ‘Blessed is the one who comes in the name of the Lord.’ ”


We lie to our children. That is one thing I’ve learned in my brief two years of parenting. Most of them are innocent, harmless lies—if there is such a thing. “There are no more cookies, Clive! Mickey Mouse is going to sleep too. Oh sorry buddy, that toy is broken. Yes, that’s chicken, it’s chicken, just eat it!” Those are some of the more common ones in my household. I’m sure you have, or had, your own in your home. Or maybe you remember some that your parents told you. And if you are sitting here saying,

"Well, I never lied to my kids," or “my parents never lied to me," I hate to break it to you, but you're lying right now and yes they did.

This is not to shame any of us or to make you look at your own parents in a different light. Most of the time, the lies are told out of protection, care, and concern. We don’t want our kids to bear the weight of whatever it is: Spot went to live on a farm or Mommy and Daddy were just talking. This is normal and well-intentioned, no doubt. However, according to the novelist Allison Grant, there are some lies we tell, however well-intentioned, that do more harm than good.

This past week, Allison wrote an op-ed in the New York Times about one of those lies—one she says she’ll never tell her children—and that is about pain. When something will hurt and how much. Now, I am sure you have a story about a time you told a white lie about how much something would hurt and everything turned out fine. Well, that wasn’t the case for Allison.

She was born with one leg shorter than the other, by about three inches. When she was 11, she underwent a complex corrective procedure. Over 13 hours, surgeons drilled holes through her bones and attached a metal frame from the outside of her hip to her toe. For the next two years, the frame helped stretch Allison’s leg those three inches. Before the surgery, when she asked if it was going to hurt, she remembers being told, “Don’t worry, we have ways to manage any unpleasantness.” Reassuring, yes, but it skirted around the truth. Those two years, Allison was in excruciating pain, so much so that morphine, valium, and muscle relaxants were all needed on a regular basis just to mask it a bit.

Reflecting on that experience, Allison writes, “The difference between what I was told and what I experienced shattered my faith in doctors and left me questioning whether I could trust adults at all.

Now, as a parent—and through my years working in health care—I’ve made the conscious decision never to lie to people about pain.” Even with something small, she says, she is realistic about the pain they likely will encounter.

This is not a sermon about parenting or about not lying to kids. I certainly don’t have all that figured out yet. Rather, I hope this lens of honesty on pain and danger helps us see how God, like a good parent, doesn’t lie to us about the danger and pain we’ll face—and how that truth sets us free.

We all want to protect people we love from pain. But what if real love tells the truth, even about the pain? I’d like to think that’s what God did for Jesus. God was honest with Jesus about his life, his ministry, and the suffering, too. God didn’t protect him from Herods or sugarcoat the cross. And yet—Jesus walked ahead to Jerusalem.

That is where we find Jesus in our story today. Teaching and healing from town to town on his way to the holy city when some guys come up and say, “You need to leave right now, Herod wants to kill you!” And Jesus responds with one of the best lines in all the Bible, “Tell that fox that I’ve got work to do, so just try to stop me.”

Don’t you wish you could respond like that? Such confidence, such disregard for danger. Make no mistake—Herod was a very real and present danger who could invoke great pain.

By this point in the story, he’s already thrown John the Baptist, Jesus' cousin, in jail and then beheaded him! But here in this scene, Jesus—the guy who always says, "Be not afraid"—shows all of us exactly what being not afraid looks like. “Sorry, Herod, I gotta keep going. I have work to accomplish, and you won’t stop me.”

Don’t you want that? I mean, how is it that Jesus can face such danger, can be threatened with such pain, and not even flinch? I’d like to think, in part, it’s because God the Father was honest with Jesus, his only Son. That in the many hours of prayer and discernment, God told Jesus everything about the life and work that was before him.

How he would cure people and cast out demons. How he would go to Jerusalem, though foxes would try to stop him. How he would hang on a cross if he chose—but that wouldn’t be the end because God promised resurrection.

God didn’t lie about the pain and the danger. And because Jesus knew what was coming,

he could face it all head-on, unafraid, trusting in the promises God had made him. We might not ever be as fearless as Jesus, because well we aren’t Jesus. But I do think God in Jesus is honest with us, too, about what we will face in our lives. And we hear that in this passage.

There will always be foxes and Herods that are a real danger to us. We will face pain in this life. But here, Jesus makes another promise to us, one that can help us face the foxes. As a mother hen gathers her chicks under her wing, so does Jesus desire to gather and cover you.

Notice I say cover you, not protect you. If you’ve spent any time around chickens, you know that a hen can’t actually protect her chicks from a fox. Those wings don’t do much of anything against razor sharp teeth and fast claws. And so you might think, “well what good is that then?!”

If foxes and danger are inevitable, and a hen can’t truly keep her chicks safe, then what good is thinking of God as a Hen? Of all the animals Jesus could have picked to describe himself, why choose a mother hen?

Because a hen’s love is stronger than any fear a fox instills. She will do all she can to cover her chicks,

even gathering them with her wings while she gives up her own life to the fox. We all have foxes. The grief that lingers long after the funeral. The resentment or silence that frays marriages now barely hanging on by a thread. The words said or left unsaid that strain our friendships and families.

The overwhelming pressure of raising children—how much screen time is too much, how to balance work and home, how to not fail them. The fear that no matter how hard we try, we are not enough.

These foxes creep close, circling, threatening to undo us. But hear this promise: you are not left alone. You are gathered. You are covered. You are sheltered beneath the outstretched wings of Christ, alongside others just as weary as you. And in that love, we don’t find protection from the foxes, but courage. Jesus lays down his life so that we can live—not in fear, but with trust and in the promise of resurrection. The foxes do not get the last word.

We cannot lie our way out of life’s pain, not to ourselves and not to our children.

Allison ends that op-ed piece saying “We should tell our kids when it’s going to hurt. In the long run, it will hurt them a whole lot less.” That’s what God does with us, not to hurt us but to free us from fear and face the pain and danger in this world, trusting also that we do not face the pain alone.

We have each other and we have the love that covers us, love that casts out fear. Amen.